Finding my way

So, I’m sick again.  I don’t mean I have a cold, or even the flu. I have ulcerative colitis, and every once in a while it flares. Ulcerative colitis is an auto immune disorder that attacks the large intestine, resulting in severe inflammation of the intestine, bleeding ulcers in the lining of the intestine, and a variety of unpleasant symptoms.  Among the many and varied unpleasant symptoms is fever, extreme fatigue, extreme nausea, and a good dose of depression.  Worst of all, I can’t run. 

When I can’t go for my run, I have a really hard time processing the constant chaos in my completely ADHD mind and I get overwhelmed pretty quickly.  Right now there is a lot going on.  I’m emailing back and forth with Hans from Woolgatherers about the final purchase order/design of Grendel, before he submits it Sunday night.  I’m trying to find a contractor to create my new studio space and I’m trying to plan out the space in my head. I’m working on learning to use the 3D design component of photoshop, to help plan out my design for the sample piece that I am currently measuring out warp bundles for.  I’m getting ready to weave a baby blanket for my neighbor’s daughter. And, I need to get my house in order for a four day visit from my mother, stepson, and his girlfriend starting this Thursday.

It’s the sample piece that is causing the most angst for me.  I have so many ideas, coming so constantly, that I’m in danger of becoming completely overwhelmed.  So, I’m trying to simplify. I know I want to incorporate the 3D double weave tubes with both layers interchanging. I know I want to weave a Moorman inlay pattern across the entire piece using the gold thread that I recently purchased.  I know that I want the dyeing of the warp layers to be a combination of low immersion dyeing and Ikat wrapping.  And, I know that I want a border to wrap around a canvas frame. So, I’m trying to quiet my mind and just concentrate on the steps in front of me: measure out another inch of warp bundles; finish threading the baby blanket warp; keep calling contractors and hope one calls back; and, hardest of all, don’t pay too much attention to my moods until my body heals.

Sometimes the hardest aspect of completing a challenging project is to keep from talking myself out of it before I even get started. But I know that eventually I’ll get better again. I’ll be out running again, and I’ll be feeling a lot more optimistic again. At that time, I’ll be really glad that I am able to hang in there now and keep plugging away at the tasks in front of me.  

3 thoughts on “Finding my way

  1. Molly, hello! I loved your piece at Convergence — I thought it was the best piece on exhibit! Do you teach workshops on the Moorman technique? I am on the Program Committee for the Weavers’ Guild of Rochester, NY, and I figured it would not hurt to ask ;o)

    Denise Kovnat

  2. So sorry you aren’t feeling well. Hugs.

    You are right about plugging away, though. Life is like the ocean. Ebbs and flows.

    1. Thanks, Debbie!!
      I had to laugh ‘Ebbs and Flows’ is one of the best descriptions for my current state that I’ve hear in a while 🙂
      You rock,

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